My wife was only 32 when she died of metastatic breast cancer

It was only 5 years after we found a lump in her breast. 

She was a laboratory technologist in the hospital lab at the time and our medical insurance was good. 

To give her the best chance, they gave her both chemotherapy and radiation to the area where the tumor had been found after surgery. 

Our son was 1 1/2 years old at the time of the diagnosis and spent a lot of time at his grandmother's house during her treatments. 

I went with her each time she received chemo and went through her nausea and vomiting with her after each course.

In time they tattooed a tiny dot on her breast in order to guide the radiation to the right area and completed the radiation treatments. 

She began recovering and within months had returned to her job at the lab. We both raised our son and went about our lives, hopeful.

They did tests for tumor markers monthly without apparent return of the cancer. 

One day, 5 years from the beginning she felt bad and was hospitalized. The tumor markers were highly elevated and her scans showed the cancer had metastasized to her other organs, especially to her liver.

I visited her each day as she was treated with I.V. morphine. 

Each day her abdomen swelled more and more and on the 5th day she looked 9 months pregnant. 

On the 7th day I received a call from her nurse who told me I should get there quickly. 

I entered her room, she was not conscious, and I held her hands as I spoke to her quietly. Her eyes opened wide and it appeared she looked at me. I told her I loved her.

She then fell silent and made the 'death rattle' I had heard about, then died.

I rushed home to my then 6 year old son at his grandmother's house and told him, and his grandmother, that his mom had passed away.

That first night home with my son was so difficult. He cried, I cried. He spend the night in our bed with me and we talked all night.

I was in shock (as everyone was) since it had only been 7 days from when she felt ill and was admitted. Although tumor markers had been checked monthly prior to then, there had been no indicators that the cancer was metastasizing.

That night I had no idea what to do. Suddenly a single father with the added responsibility of providing an income. I felt like I had died with my wife.

I went on. Not because of some easily said platitude, but because my son needed me. That's it. That solely is what got me through. "Just do it" was my self instruction.

Eventually things got easier for both my son and I and seeking professional psychological help for both of us was an imperative.

Today he is a happy and well adjusted adult. And so am I.

Medical facts

Metastatic breast cancer is breast cancer that has spread to other parts of the body, such as the bones, liver, lungs, or brain. It is the most advanced stage of breast cancer and is incurable. However, there are treatments that can help to control the cancer and prolong life.

Some of the common treatments for metastatic breast cancer include:

Chemotherapy: Drugs that kill cancer cells throughout the body.

Hormone therapy: Drugs that block the production or effects of hormones that can fuel the growth of breast cancer cells.

Targeted therapy: Drugs that target specific molecules or pathways that are important for the growth and survival of cancer cells.

Immunotherapy: Drugs that help the body's own immune system to fight cancer cells.

My wife's story is a reminder that cancer is a devastating disease that can take the lives of loved ones too soon. 

However, it is also a story of hope. Despite being diagnosed with a terminal illness, my wife was able to live a meaningful life for several years after her diagnosis. 

She was able to raise her son, continue working, and enjoy many happy moments with her family and friends.

         Jennie

If you or someone you know has been diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, there are many resources available to help you cope with the disease. 

There are also many clinical trials underway to develop new and more effective treatments for metastatic breast cancer.

Here is a hopeful message for anyone who is facing metastatic breast cancer:

You are not alone. There are people who care about you and want to help. There are also many treatment options available, and new and more effective treatments are being developed all the time. Never give up hope.

Unlikely Buddha 2023